Child of cinema, child of music, child of the tides. A fashion guy of desire, ambition, thrills and exoticism.
I’m driving a nice car, windows down, on a winding road, perched on the edge of a rocky valley. The salty wind, guided by the turquoise ocean that I can admire from my lonely way, sweeps my hair intertwined. The rays of the sun are reflected in my pupils and seem to imitate the genius of the Lumière brothers. Melted in Nicolas Winding Refn’s dazzling visuals and guided through Jean-Marc Vallée’s poetic narrative approach, my eyeballs seek for story to follow. Words and melodies dance in my ears, smashing my eardrums. My mouth smiles as I realize that I’m inspired. I’m suddenly healed from everything and everyone. What I’m hearing is helping me to express myself. My body members can not help but move under the control of my conscience in drunkenness. An euphoric rhythm makes my arms shiver and suddenly I’m gone, I’m no longer here, carried away by the heat. Something’s running through my blood, that’s crystal clear. Discoveries, perhaps? Energy, independence, resourcefulness, adventures, a dream? No. Many of them. I feel their flow in my veins and their realization come to life in me, define me as I am. I remember a whole picture, a story, a universe, a moment. I have learned so much to know them, to tell them and to illustrate them with every vibrations in me that it made me fall in love. Like a damn fool I gave away my heart by revealing who I truly am. Attractions and desires are no secret anymore, their wings fly and crash, but ultimately last.
While I’m lost through imaginary lives, a flame moistens my eyes. Influences? Certainly. Acquired experience? Progress? Also. But from now on: projects. It starts to rain. I see a passion go by the wayside. Another, on a billboard. They are everywhere and none of them can be packed by my windshield wipers. Moving images are in every corner of my mind. Everything falls more ardently from heaven. Interests, characters and ideas invade me constantly like I’m insane. I’m waiting for one of them to materialize in a future, in a frame, in a craftsmanship, as I wait for the storm, by weighing on the accelerator. A wave strikes me, I tumble, I let myself rock. In the vehicle, millions of particles are unleashed like machineguns causing violent ends. The possibilities multiply. In my rearview mirror are projected the years. I see blur, focus, trend, design, lights on and off, pages, screens, smiles, flash … I’m blinded and everything disappears. In front of me are infinite landscapes, unknown places. Water doesn’t levitate anymore. A tickle emerges from the abyss, a certainty is hidden through this frightening, reassuring escapade. Words mix up in my head as speed hits my face. Loyalty. My fist tightens on the steering wheel. Equality. A weight falls heavy down my abdomen. Hope. My creativity is burning with desire to shout them out loud and defend their impact in the world. Will, generosity, respect, openness, redemption! I crave madness and excitation as I’m possessed by a roaring invention. The orange of the tired star is budding in my irises. Spread through the clouds, the colorful spectrum awakens the art that wants to emerge from my own body and opinions. The wheels turn faster and faster on the cracked asphalt. I have a fear, a fright. Destination, route and countdown. It’s time, the obsession. Accomplishment. Happiness. Disappointment. Bitterness. As darkness falls on my perceptions, a blue glow rises from the depths. The sun is rising again. A sketched smile, a renewed hope. What is happening to me? A new side? A developed force? The engine purrs, the music sings, the hot air blows and the sea hums. Freedom and being are now one. That’s all I need. At the moment, I feel like I could be someone who matters, that someone is waiting for me where I am heading. But perhaps is this individual sitting on the same seat as me? Changing the gears of the car when I have no strength anymore, when fatigue and despair take hold of me, when I don’t recognize the splendor of the road.
As I realize the camera lying on the passenger seat was recording since I left, I’m now sure of where I’m going.
-Félix-Antoine Gouin
Félix-Antoine Gouin 